I hate it when random songs from the 90’s get stuck in my head, but alas the Spice Girls made their way across two decades of stored song lyrics and into my brain. And here’s what happened:
“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends (gotta get with my friends)
Make it last forever friendship never ends“
Bullshit. That line is so idiotic and untrue in a whimsical optimistic sort of way. As a youngun listening to this cheeky pop music I really thought friendship never ended. WOW, could I be more naive?
Here are some highlights from my childhood. Hopefully this will be cathartic. Let’s start from the top with Anastasia* a dear friend since I was a tiny person in elementary school. We were thick as thieves (are thieves really thick?) and Anastasia and my other friend Barbara (who is slowly drifting away friendship-wise) actually used to fight over me, I wonder why I don’t have a bigger ego… The point is we were best friends for what seemed like the beginning of time and then one day she starts hanging out with a different crowd, starts acting different, talking different and dressing different. Which probably wouldn’t be a big deal to most people but I’m picky when it comes to friends and if there’s one thing I value in a person it’s authenticity. We got in a weird fight (partially due to Barbara’s meddling- incidentally the two of them are still friends) and stopped talking. Friendship DEATH.
CFWE & Anastasia’s Friendship
“Let’s have an adventure!”
Next we have Francine, Francine and I were only friends for a short time and in that short time my mother hated Francine and did everything she could to get me to stop hanging out with her – to no avail. (Francine could be a really odd person in public, almost like she had ADHD but she was completely normal on a one-ton-one basis.) So Francine and I were best buds, hung out all the time, could talk for hours and shared several interests. In this time Francine inspired me to really kick it up a notch and I got into great shape. Thanks Francine, can you show back up after finals? Well anyway, we were pals in middle school and going into high school. But here was the problem, we had no classes together! I worried that this would cause the dwindling of our friendship. I confided this in Francine and she assured me thing would be fine. They were not fine. Well, I have no idea where she was during school, but I didn’t see her and outside of school the same.
CFWE & Francine’s Friendship
“The power of sisterhood”
Finally, there is …let me think of a name I don’t know anyone by… Veronica! So Veronica and I were friends as kids but she moved away and we didn’t really keep in touch (mostly my fault). Well anyway we got back to corresponding and we saw each other one summer and it was GREAT like we picked up right where we left off. Move forward a year we’re corresponding still and she comes to visit again. She’s despondent, distant and cold. I try to make her feel better as she’d been sick, but she seems upset. Well, she goes home and we continue corresponding when out of the blue she spills all that I’d confided in her to her mother who blabs it to my own. This caused a huge rift in our families. We stopped talking because I felt truly betrayed and I couldn’t trust her. Another one of those important things in a friendship with me: Trust.
CFWE & Veronica’s Friendship
“I don’t style my hair, it just is.”
*names have been changed to protect the
I’ve had a few friends who’s friendship died and came back like a Phoenix from its ashes and we’re still friends now. I wish that could happen with all of my friends because I’d really still like to know them. They have become strangers.
Being young and childfree means I get to go through this shit all over again, when my friends start having kids. I’ll desperately try to keep the friendship going, but some of them will be too far-gone. Too wrapped up in their offspring to have any trace of their former personality bubble up to the surface… or maybe they’ll come out of it cool as cucumbers and nothing will change. I can hope.
So what is the point of this post? I’m getting there. BE PATIENT! The theme of the day is authenticity: being true to yourself. One of my now distant (moved away) friends once told me that I was the “truest” person she knew. That’s a huge compliment to me, because I value being true to yourself quite highly. So let’s check back in with our friends:
Anastasia: Vapid. I doubt there’s an original thought in this poor girl’s head. She followed her first and only boyfriend down to go to school with him. She chose a nursing degree (she never wanted to be anything of the sort growing up). She is in the exact same position with the exact same expression in just about every photo (yes I Facebook stalk former friends occasionally like when I have a Spice Girl’s song stuck in my head). She is a stereotype. She is the college sorority girl, no clear aspirations, hobbies, or even volunteer work (aren’t frats and sororities supposed to do that?). I’ll bet a stranger’s left arm within 2 years of graduation she’ll be married, pregnant and bored. I am disappointed. She could’ve done something great.
Francine is actually a really positive case. She was always a great artist and is continuing that today and I think she’s actually making some money. She seems happy and in a relationship with someone who loves her for who she is. She has always been an individual among others, she continues to be today. I pass her house often while I’m visiting home, I really should stop in sometime…
Then there’s Veronica. Veronica always had huge dreams (like me!) and that seemed to stay constant when we saw each other the first summer. Then she got her first boyfriend and suddenly her hopes of moving and traveling have become hopes of marriage, babies and living close to her family. Sure people change, but it was very sudden and honestly feels forced. I would be disappointed, but honestly after how she went behind my back…
So to all the strangers out there reading this blog (and wondering if there’s a point to this rambling nonsense) be yourself, be what you’re like, do what you want, pursue your dreams. Don’t be afraid to be different, to stand out and live differently. Never compromise your values or your vision for someone else. You are the one who has live your life, make it worth living.